


the one where kabuto does not moon

by deiectus



Series: city!AU [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Gen, city!AU, team "let's make kabuto's life miserable"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2256438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deiectus/pseuds/deiectus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re the one begging to talk about it,” Sasori sighs, shuffling his papers into a pile, tapping them on the table, and then taking off his reading glasses—all at his own leisurely pace, while Kabuto stares at him. “You were practically—what’s the term?—<em>mooning</em>."</p>
            </blockquote>





	the one where kabuto does not moon

**Author's Note:**

> this is OLD, almost three months old, written back when city!AU existed only as short stories that I'd e-mail cora every other day. alternate title: team "let's make kabuto's life miserable".

Deidara pushes open the door to the coffee shop and spots Kabuto and Sasori easily (it’s never hard to find his roommate in a crowd—just duck down and look for a shock of red hair around people’s elbows). He weaves through the tables, his hands in his long coat’s pockets, until he reaches them. Slouching into an empty seat and pulling out his notebook, Deidara says, “Yo Kabuto, did you get me that—”

Kabuto wordlessly places a small bag in front of Deidara, his eyes never leaving some spot outside the window. Deidara looks at the bag, then Kabuto, and then to Sasori, who is looking through papers (work stuff, from what Deidara can tell) and has not acknowledged his arrival.

“Someone die, yeah?” Deidara says, frowning at them both. Sasori looks at him over the top of his reading glasses. Kabuto just takes a sip from his mug of coffee and exhales. Deidara looks between them and sighs. “Fuck you guys.”

“Kabuto may be out of commission for the day,” Sasori mutters, head inclined toward Deidara just slightly as he speaks.

“I’m fine,” Kabuto says quickly, suddenly looking at Sasori, and then at Deidara. “Is it okay?” He asks, glancing at the bag.

Deidara opens the bag and slips his hand inside. He moves his fingers around. “Yeah, it’s good soil. It’ll do good.”

“Oh, good,” Kabuto says, sounding genuinely pleased. He smiles at Deidara. Sasori rolls his eyes.

Deidara grimaces. “Okay, you’re freaking me out." 

Sasori stirs his cup of tea. “He’s been like this for a half hour,” he tells Deidara when Kabuto resumes looking out the window. After a pause, Sasori admits, “the silence has been wonderful.”

“It’s not like you guys talk that much normally, yeah,” Deidara says, and reaches for a cup of water in the middle of the table. Sasori slaps his hand, as if on reflex. “Jesus, man!” Deidara snaps, “I didn’t know it was fucking yours.”

At the expletive, Sasori smirks, just slightly. “On that note,” he says, gaze sliding over to Kabuto pointedly, “you could tell the rest of us who assaulted your blood vessels.”

Deidara follows Sasori’s eyes as he speaks. He quickly notices a dull, reddish mark on Kabuto’s neck, low, just near his shirt collar, the shape approximating an oval. “Shit,” Deidara breathes.

On closer inspection, there's more than one.

When Kabuto notices them staring (it takes a second), his body tenses and his hand flies to his neck. He looks between them, posture incredibly stiff, and then, after a moment, visibly relaxes. “I don’t see how it’s your business,” he says. His tone is defensive and just a touch condescending. _This_ is the Kabuto that Deidara knows.

“Dude, we’re you’re only friends in this town, yeah, of _course_ it’s our business,” Deidara says, grinning. He punches Kabuto in the shoulder. “Hey, if you’re getting laid on the regular, does this mean that you’ll be less of a tight-ass about—”

“No,” Kabuto says flatly, brushing off the space on his arm that Deidara touched.

“You’re the one begging to talk about it,” Sasori sighs, shuffling his papers into a pile, tapping them on the table, and then taking off his reading glasses—all at his own leisurely pace, while Kabuto stares at him. “You were practically—what’s the term?— _mooning_."

“I do not moon,” Kabuto says. “And I know more people here than you two.”

“Yeah, us and Doctor Snakes,” Deidara says, laughing.

“Itachi,” Kabuto says, “And Tsunade, and Itachi’s brother Sasuke, and his friends, and— and Kakuzu, and—” he pauses, visibly annoyed. “And I got you that soil for your clay,” he says to Deidara, “clearly that proves I have connections—”

Deidara rests his chin on his hand, elbow on the table. “And clearly you’re _connecting_ with somebody, yeah,” he murmurs, waggling his eyebrows. Both Sasori and Kabuto roll their eyes at this, though Sasori doesn’t hide the smirk that shows he’s clearly amused, and Kabuto’s sigh does nothing to hide his discomfort.

“I don’t know why this is such a big deal,” Kabuto says after a moment. “I’m in my twenties. I’m young, hormonal, this is—”

“Don’t say ‘hormonal,’” Deidara says, cutting him off. “I’m surprised you get laid saying those things.”

Kabuto looks at Deidara for a moment.

“I don’t get laid saying those things,” he finally says, and Sasori can’t figure out his expression or why he’s even responding to Deidara’s imbecilic taunting. “I don’t have to say anything to get laid,” Kabuto continues, his expression smoothing into self-satisfaction.

“I’m sure Orochimaru doesn’t like it when you speak during the act. It probably ruins it for him since you’re not a snake,” Sasori comments before he can help himself. “Or fourteen.”

“Oh my god,” Kabuto whips his head around to glare at Sasori, “seriously, this stupid joke of yours needs to stop.”

Deidara blinks. “Wait, are you sleeping with Doctor Snakes?”

“ _What the fuck!_ ” Kabuto hisses, turning to Deidara. “No, I am not!”

“I mean, it would make sense, yeah,” Deidara says thoughtfully, scratching his chin, “the way you go on about his ‘revolutionary experiments’ and how what he’s doing will change the world…”

Kabuto hides his face in his hands. “I honestly can’t believe this is still a thing for you two,” he groans.

Deidara grins at Sasori, holding his arm up with an open palm. Sasori does not oblige him the high-five, but smiles back all the same.


End file.
